My greatest achievment
Is your achievment
My greatest feat, your shared experience.
Sharing your life
How easy is to love you – Poem from «Seven deaths for Seven Deaths of a black cat». Illustration from Irina Klipova. So beautiful.
I wrote this poem when I understood that manipulation is there and will exist until you allow it. Using kids as a leverage tool is a very common thing when divorced. Specially used by mothers. The logic behind it is very logical. They think they fight for their children. But actually is a kind of daga most of the time impulsed from revenge.
It is critical to recognize when there is an authentic need for the children and when painful daga. It is you who can decide if the daga gets in. No need for a fight back that is useless you will hurt yourself and your kids.
Remember a fight needs at least two. If you are out of the equation. The other person will swallow its own knifes.
On the other hand if you are using your kids as a revenge instrument. Stop immediately that attitude. Recognize when there is an authentic need or necessity for your children. Act with love and love will come back. Act with rage and rage will come back, whether from the other parent or yourself. Be very careful that rage could also come from your own kids. They are very sensitive and they emulate their first example: YOU!
In my personal experience I used to fight back in a very aggressive way. It was my habit to take the children with me to fantastic places just to show them how wonderful it was to stay with me. I wasn’t really enjoying my time with them I was fighting back.
Those actions came back to me in many ways and forms. When I started to respect the new activity of their mother (another chapter will have to be added about that new activity) and accept the idea that they will always be me children and my love for them was profound and unbreakable. I stopped the counter attack. If you want respect you have to give respect.
I started to recognize when I was taking my knifes and swords and hold still my self. I wouldn’t fall in that negative spiral anymore. And instead of taking the children to expensive places I started to share experiences with them. Instead of buying pizza. Let´s do pizza!
The time with my father was short he died when I was very young but I will never forget the time when we draw together for the first time or when teached me mathematics. Those days are in me and I love them keeps my father alive. In a way I started to share my father with my kitties. When that happened all the bad words and manipulation ment nothing.
Remember no one can betray you. That person will behave as its nature demands. Your expectations about that person are the ones who will crash in your mind when not reconcile. That is reason why we get annoyed when we don’t hear a “thank you” back. We expect to hear it.
In very fluent way the results arrived.
When I stopped to saying in regards of my ex-wife: “She should appreciate this or that”. “She should see what I do”. “She must…”. What a big mistake I was doing; She should? No way. “I will” was a better starter.
Now we are parent-partners we are in the same team. A winner team! We are rasing champions.
Arami,
Following the warriror path
Arami Achen 